SURVIVING A 10 DAY BUDDHIST SILENT MEDITATION RETREAT: Was it worth it?

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During my time in Asia, I kept hearing people speak about silent meditation retreats and how transformative they were. It had been sitting on my bucket list since then, and Nepal seemed like the perfect country for it. So, after completing the Annapurna trek, I started researching retreat centers nearby.

The most well-known 10-day silent retreat was called Vipassana. It was popular amongst travellers and locals alike, and the spots were limited, so they filled out very quickly. The next one starting was in a week’s time in a place called Birgunj, near the Indian border, and there was already a wait list for it. Meanwhile, Luke—you may remember him from Trekking in the Himalayas blog post—was thinking about his next steps in his travels.

Seeing I preferred his company, he decided to join me despite clearly stating that the retreat is probably just “woo woo” and the experience won’t be life-changing like I am making it out to be. We soon received a notification online that we were both accepted to participate in the retreat starting in a week.

We decided to spend the time we had exploring some other regions of Nepal while slowly making our way to Birgunj. We first checked out the cute, lakeside town of Pokhara. Definitely a great choice to wind down after the long trek and to escape the chaos of Kathmandu.

We then stopped in Bhaktapur and Boudhanath, a pilgrimage destination for Tibetans, to visit monasteries and learn more about their religious traditions.

Then it was finally time to head to Birgunj and voluntarily lock ourselves into confinement. The town being smaller than Kathmandu meant that we got more attention from locals on the street who rarely ever see any white tourists. I did not mind posing for millions of photos, feeling like I am Marilyn Monroe.

After a tedious tuk-tuk ride, we arrived at the retreat center. The noise and chaos of the outside world disappeared, and silence took over. We were immediately told to leave our cell phones at entry and any other electronic items as well as books. Nothing that can stimulate the mind was allowed inside.

Glancing over the timetable we have been given, I quickly realized that it would be a challenging 10 days. I have never been a morning person, and seeing the 4am wake-up call made me question my sanity, but I wasn’t going to give up from the very beginning. We socialized with other participants over dinner, knowing that this would be the last time we would be allowed to speak, and then went to bed in our assigned rooms.

To give you a little bit of background information, Vipassana is a non-sectarian, results-oriented technique of self-transformation through self-observation. The goal of the practice is to understand how mind and body interact, get rid of mental impurities, and achieve a balanced mind full of love and compassion. Sounds straightforward, right? Well, it wasn’t all that easy.

On that first morning, I woke up to the sound of a loud “gong,”  dragged myself out of bed, and walked straight into the meditation room. The room was divided into two, separating males and females. We each chose our seats and sat down on our individual pillows. I spotted Luke across the room and gave him a final look of goodbye as we retreated into silence.

The instructions were simple and clear; we were told to sit still and observe our breath as it comes in and goes out. Focusing all attention to the breath was supposed to clear the mind from unnecessary thinking that creates tension in the body.

The first session lasted two hours, but it felt like a lifetime. There is only so much you can think about and go over, no matter how terrible your OCD is. After thinking and re-thinking about problems with my ex, the other ex, what kind of trauma could have possibly led me to a torturous retreat in Nepal, why could I never live up to the expectations of society, what will I do with my life once the retreat is over, and any and all kinds of mundane problems you would expect a twentysomething to have, I ran out of thoughts. I was so focused on trying to stay focused that I haven’t even noticed my legs falling asleep crossed over each other.

It did not get any easier on day two or day three. I actually started to struggle more to get myself out of bed at the crack of dawn. There were now a few little additions to the instructions. We were told to scan our bodies as we watch our thoughts come and go in the eye of our mind. Starting from the top of our heads, we would move our attention slowly down to our toes, feeling every inch of our bodies and observing the movement. As we scanned our bodies, we were asked not to develop feelings of craving or aversion toward any sensory experience. We had to just observe objectively, with perfect equanimity.

You may wonder what exactly is meant by equanimity, as I initially did. It is meant to describe a radical non-interference with the natural flow of sensory experience. It means that you allow all your senses—physical body sensations, sight, sound, emotions, mental images, and internal talk—to expand and contract as they wish. Whatever form the senses take, you love every experience as it arises, but not hold on to it inappropriately as it passes.

There are deep lessons to be learnt from the experience. Not attaching yourself to any sensation can easily be applied to all areas of life, helping one master their minds and emotions, accept the natural flow of life, and be at peace with it, thus improving the quality of life, easing anxiety and suffering.

On day five, however, I started to feel sick with a terrible flu, fever, runny nose, coughing, you name it, and it certainly is not fun to be sneezing in a room filled with silence. During one of the breaks, I went up to the teacher and told him that I am not feeling fine and that I don’t know if I will make it through the rest of the course. He assured me that any illness heals faster when the mind is quiet, advised me to have some ginger tea and to take it easy. By now, more and more people were dropping out each day, not being able to deal with the intensity of the retreat.

I pushed myself through the next five days. The teacher was right; my flu healed faster than it would if I were staying at home, entertaining my brain with information. Towards the final days, I could finally go longer periods without a single thought crossing my mind! It felt magical to really become one with the moment, to actually just sit there and not think! I could finally “hear” the silence, hear other people’s little movements, hear the air blowing outside the classroom, and hear the birds chirping that I never noticed in the first couple of days.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand the importance of mastering one’s mind and emotions. We create our own hell by staying stuck in negative thinking patterns, and unfortunately it is visible everywhere in the world. From people fighting over unimportant matters to animal abuse to mass murder. There is no instant cure. Each person is responsible to heal themselves first before they are able to help others.

After that very final bell, marking the end of 10 days, I immediately ran outside to find Luke already chatting up with a bunch of others, discussing their experience. We each had our unique take on the journey, and decided the best way to celebrate our success would be to go for some chocolate cake followed by a couple of beers, doing the exact opposite of what we had been told, giving in to all our desires. Life is all about balance, am I right?

I must also add that Luke had enough time to come up with a nickname for each and every participant, all equally hilarious, and mine being the girl who constantly plays with her hair! In my defense, I had just gotten it dyed prior to the retreat and was freaking out if it would fall off due to the horrible quality of hair dye and water in Nepal!

I am glad Asia sparked an interest in me to go for such a retreat. Although the effects were not immediately visible, it engraved an understanding in me that I still apply to my day-to-day life. Whenever I am in a stressful situation or life happens unexpectedly, I know that I can choose to focus on my breathing and that this too shall pass.

If you are feeling drawn to such an experience, I recommend you check out the official Vipassana website, where you will find all their retreats worldwide.

You can choose to participate in a location near where you live, or if you are feeling more adventurous, you can journey to Nepal or India, to experience it where it was founded. I highly recommend the second option if you have the opportunity. And in that case, please use my Skyscanner link below while booking your trip to get the best flight deals!

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